Small Thoughts.

[Exo-Happiness]

I want to write a beautiful story. But my inspiration contains only one voice. There is never the mention of another person. There is no us or we or you or me. Just I. Always only I. That is grammatically incorrect but I know what I’m saying and if there is only I only I should matter right? And if there is only I who is that question directed at? And that one... I can’t bring myself to include a question mark in that last sentence as I can see the circles that will emerge from it. Round and round as time passes. More and more questions and never any answers. The answers I do receive tend to only evoke more and more questions. And again the circles suffocate me. I am lying in bed and I can see a print of something but I’m short sighted so once again I am hindered. I can’t clearly see or understand what I am seeing. I avoid the anxiety this present to me and I’m closing my eyes. But now all I see is you. I have failed in my attempt to only write about I. But you seem to creep in to everything these days. I want to write a beautiful story but I can’t if you are in my thoughts and I don’t mean that because you are not beautiful you are beautiful and I hope you never read this because I’m not sure I can escape from this hole I appear to be digging. Perhaps I will die in this hole. But you are beautiful we all want something beautiful and I want to write a beautiful story.

[dontask]

that was pretty brilliant exo well impressed.

[sirmavers]

Sept 15, 2009 10:40:44 GMT @dontask said:

that was pretty brilliant exo well impressed.

Pretty good sisn't she Where have you been. I love it.

Think that I might try and do something similair later, won't plagiarise like, but it's a lovley little bit of 'tat' as the sub-thread states

[Exo-Happiness]

Thanks. You're all so nice.
I have loads of little 'tats' as I may now call them. I prefer writing them to poems. But I often use the same ideas for poems, so most of the little written things have a coordinating poem.
Maybe i'll post another... But which one?

[Exo-Happiness]

Paralysis

I dream that my knees don’t work. That every time I try to stand they buckle so I have to crawl. I crawl all the way to a house I’ve visited a few times. I arrive to find you aren’t in. So I crawl all the way home. On the way back I decide to go through the fields. I try my legs again but to no avail. So dropping back to my knees, I face the challenge in front of me. Miles and miles of countryside and wildlife and the odd bit of litter. Human destruction. I am at peace out here. I can think properly. Perhaps you weren’t home for a reason. Perhaps some unknown force doesn’t want me to see you to talk to you to tell you of the conflict within my mind. Perhaps it is me. Perhaps I didn’t knock on your door hard enough or didn’t wait on the step long enough for you to open the door. Maybe I keep hanging up my telephone nanoseconds before you answer. Maybe, subconsciously, I know that I am bad for you and you for me, and am deliberately not letting myself get in to trouble. Or get you in to trouble. But every time I think things through and decide that it is myself stopping me from contacting you, I feel a great sense of regret and longing. I long to be yours I think but I don’t know for sure I couldn’t really say. Which subsequently is why I think my mind is fighting with my heart. It’s probably for the best. It’s raining.

[dontask]

how old are you exo?

[Exo-Happiness]

17. 18 in a couple of weeks. whyyy?

[dontask]

just wondering cus your very good

[Exo-Happiness]

Ahhh. Thanks ><
Very kind of you!
I dislike my own writing though.
Well... I like it as it's personal to me. But I think it's shit and I wish it was better. haha.

[dontask]

well get abit more confidence with it its brill.

[Exo-Happiness]

Haha. Thanks. I'll try!