*Exo-Happiness' Words*

[Exo-Happiness]

It is
Like a Casio cassette
Choking in the player;
Spitting out various distorted sounds.
It is
Like a shortcut through a dark wood.
Cheating in a race to the finish line.
It’s like the song you’ve always known.
Yet when the time comes the lyrics are lost.
It’s like a broken light bulb.
A filament lost in the darkness.
It’s like three broken watches
In the year when time is most precious.
Like an apple inscribed
With negativity and curled words.

The lack of understanding stems from
Within
The sufferer and extends
Further
Than the onlooker.
Why?
How?
Does anyone really know?
The psychology behind it attempts to touch on the
Answer.
The idea that immediate pain
Can become
Pleasure
Or relief
When it overcomes the
Familiar,
Dull,
Numbing
Pain that is endured
Constantly.
But how?
And why?
Does anyone really know?

[Exo-Happiness]

Tonight. For the first time.
I've experienced it.
The idea that you won't be able to see them.
Or call them.
Write to them.
Or just have them.

Love that is so fragile,
It can be walked over by nature.
And death.

Just struck from your life
Like roots from the ground.
Or keys from your fingers.

The keys no longer fit.

Life is a great teacher.
Unfortunately,
It has a
one hundred percent
student mortality rate.

Good night. I love you.

[Exo-Happiness]

Dedicated to Luke...

I have a friend called Lorna.
And she is very kind.
I have no doubt that she would
Help someone in need who was blind

she says that I am nicer.
But this is a battle I can win
For my dearest Lorna
is the nicesest person's niceness twin

She told me once she stood on a baby
The baby was her sister
but It doesn't matter because she's not heavy
and the hammer she had missed her

She once invited me to a party
a party in her womb
I'd invite you all along too
but she has ovaries of doom.

This stupid and 'pointless' poem
was stolen from a rapstaa battle
but don't tell lorna what I've done
or she'll merk me with her cattle.

Over and Out.
a

[Exo-Happiness]

Sea blue
sky green
depth of curiosity.
He continues to walk
the water reaching his waist
his elbows
his neck
his eyeline.
all that can be seen
is the peak of his cap.

as this as the water is
it still manages to reach breath from within.
such is the line between love and hatred.
once crossed, does it become too much to bear?

To be insulted or abused
is more than enough for someone to take.
but to be hated tops them all.
hatred is the pinaccle of all emotions.
It's too much.

[Exo-Happiness]

you give me a rose.
I give you a smile.
You wait.
I offer coffee, cake, pizza.
I hover over a kiss, but don't click send.
You laugh at the cake and accept.
I send yet another smile. Followed by a hug.
You send time.
It is this icon which makes me realise quite how much you understand me.
I used to scribble.
With 4 or so colours.
Just let the pens rule the page.
I'd always end up with a beautifully complicated mess.
It.s the same now, except the said page is my head.
I run away from him and shout that i want to be alone.
I sit amidst the corn staring at the stars.
Caseopoeia is enough comfort for me tonight
But then you turn up, jump the fence and sit opposite me.
You sit in such a way that i can see both you and my stars.
Again you resonate with understanding.
I want and need nothing more than you right now.
Love is too much. But you fulfill my needs.
You make me content.
And for that, i do love you.

[Exo-Happiness]

It’s the smallest things in life
That please us all.
The way there are always two tea mugs
By my bed
After you have left.
The way you love my dogs but avoid my cat.
The excitement reflected in your face
When you see two
Shooting stars
And I only see one.
The way you refuse to pick me up from work
Purely because of the parking.
But are happy enough to drive five extra miles to get me from home.
The way you’ve spent the last three months
Worrying about boys on my tail.
And now it’s my turn.
The innuendos associated with you car.
‘We all love to give phoebe a sponge down’.
The way you read my letter from before we were together
And did nothing but kiss me.
The way you know when I need you,
When I need myself.
Or when I need no one at all.
I love the way you know me.
The way you know you can support me.
The way you stop me.
I love that you love me.

[Exo-Happiness]

On the horizon,
The clouds loom like a lost city.
I want to walk its streets.
My arm throbs
With a painful reminder of my relief
Whilst voices resound angrily below.
The window is inviting me,
But I resist.
This is one temptation I know I can ignore.

[Exo-Happiness]

I know I've missed my chance.
Yet this is the second time You have been right.
To know you no longer feel the same.
It destroys me to give up this fight.

I can't breathe and it's you I want to help me.
You lead me off to the midnight garden.
You hold my hand.
You make me laugh.
The weight on my chest lifts and the oxygen rushes in.
But then I must go back to someone else.
I still wish his hand was yours.
His lips were yours.
My heart was yours.
But I've missed my chance.

[Exo-Happiness]

On the dirty road to pain.
I opt for a new spot To enjoy my picnic.
I lay the blanket.
Place the coffee
Find the knife.
Pull out my new variety of cake.
And cut
I cut it symmetrically and equally.
Untill darkened lines are visible on the icing
A sense of relief washes over me and i sink into a restless but peaceful sleep
Where i am momentarily happy.

[Exo-Happiness]

The convulsive shaking.
the constant faking.
I know you're worried
I'm just fed up.

It's always regret.
Refusal to forget.
I know you're worried.
I'm just fed up.

The full body aches.


I'm sorry. i can't finish this.

[Exo-Happiness]

my head feels hurt.
i feel like dirt.
i want to write on here.
i can't think it appears.
or my head will explode.
what rhymes with explode?
i used the same word twice.
now i'm paying the price.
this poem is in rhyme.
i feel like a mime?
i admit i'm failing at this
but i couldn't give a p*ss
because there is a pain in my head
and i would say i'd rather be dead
but the truth is that's a lie.
so i'm just going to say goodbye.

[Exo-Happiness]

The only reason i saw sense
was because i saw your guilt.
The hurt reflecting in your eyes.
Being flipped by my starved retinas.
Holding my shaking hands.
'Don't do this to yourself, please'
You said, water in your eyes.
It's not for myself I was doing it.
It was for the control.
But now, for you, and only for you,
I shall stop.
To prevent hurt for you.
Indirectly I shall protect myself.
But only indirectly.
I've never told you about the last time.
But that last time is mine.
And I wish to keep it that way.
Brain, and body, you will now obey.
Health, smiles and better thoughts
Will accompany this love you've caught.
For you I will turn to better things
and hopefully, together, we shall win.
Beat this parasite that's been eating away
At me and my mind for years and a day.
My stomach will grow and scars will heal
Only because of the way that you feel
about me, and I love you too.
And I can safely say, all this is true.
I promise.

[Exo-Happiness]

It was like the deflated feeling
you get when you realise the star
that you have been watching,
loving endlessly,
for nights and days,
is actually a car headlight.
Belonging to that same person
you were hoping to escape.
Hoping to escape to the star
galaxies away.
But it's not a star
and it's not an escape.
It's just him.

[Exo-Happiness]

I stand and watch
a sparrow hawk soaring
in the air currents.
it spies some prey;
hovers intently;
then falls,
with purpose and beauty.
Before swooping back up, beak full.
I stand
and watch
and think...

...Why is my eyesight not that good?

[Exo-Happiness]

I am so very used
To the familiar unnerving dreams
Which haunt my restless sleep
That on the rare occasion
In my rare hibernation
I get pleasant ones,
I dismiss their dream-like facade
And accept them as genuine.
But last night, me and you,
So close and so warm.
Yes it was pleasant.
Yes it was dream-like.
But I'm not foolish enough to see it's reality.
This time it was a dream.